This week I tried to concentrate on the index cards with my achievements . I’ll tell you that was hard to do , because a lot of the achievements seemed like everyday things . Some of them are , but what I hadn’t realized is that to be able to achieve any of them is a miracle . I had to view the week 12 webinar about three times before I realized that MarkJ was using something as every day as being a Dad . That we could simply not acknowledge the things that at one time brought us great feelings of: love , peace , joy , happiness etc , made me think that we get to the place where we forget those feelings and move through our day not feeling anything . I think I need to pay more attention to my ” extraordinary everyday achievements ” because they maybe what I need to focus on when I need to stay positive .
Some of the things that I have experienced in the last 10-11 weeks have been life changing . The tragic and the love filled moments both are a part of my experience . The thing about it is , I feel that I have touched on something that can make me a very happy ,loving , caring, and selfless individual . Something that I was born to be and seems to be a part of my DNA . That being said , I am going to continue in the direction that I am traveling . I don’t care if any one else can feel , see or believe it. I know that a change is coming . I have changed a lot of things in my life . I have many more changes to make . The Master Key – Part Nine states ” If you wish to change conditions you must change yourself. Your whims , your wishes , your fancies , your ambitions may be thwarted at every step , but your inmost thoughts will find expression just as certainly as the plant springs from the seed . “ I BELIEVE
I AM WHOLE , PERFECT , STRONG , POWERFUL, LOVING ,
HARMONIOUS AND HAPPY .
I really had a tough week this week . I felt attacked mentally several times and tonight when I got home from work . I was told that my oldest sister had passed away. I survived all of the attacks this week , because of the MKMMA lessons , but this hit was hard .I have to admit that I lost my cool with my younger sister tonight . I did have enough since to reel myself in , quite quickly . I might add. In the heat of the discussion I saw her pain and I understood . I just wished at that moment that she knew what I know . I may have lost my way for a few seconds but I quickly gravitated to what I was taught and it worked for me . I’m glad because now I know for sure that I am doing the right thing . I know that we have had heated discussions before and they would go on and on forever today I told her I will not be a part of your negative and hateful ways . I am not going to argue with you ever again . I told her that I know that she was hurting right now and that we could discuss that and try and start her healing process . I really think she was taken aback by my response . So I wait on the time that we’re together again , because tonight was not the night .
Did you know that the subby has no defense , against my voice ?
I have been doing an excellent job at keeping up , with the work within the MKMMA ,until this week. I fell off two nights this week , falling asleep before completing my final reads for the day . I know I can’t make it up but, I refuse to beat myself up about it . I decided to readjust my schedule so that I spend my last hour of the day an hour earlier than usual. The recording has been a great help. I’m getting more practice bombarding my subby with my DMP , Affirmations , PPN’s , and POA’s . Its funny I never liked hearing my own voice , now, within one week I can’t wait to put on my headphones and do my activities while listening to “my” voice , and it’s not so bad. You have to be able to adjust and readjust , when there is change going on. If you can’t or aren’t willing to everything will stay the same . I asked myself why did I pick my ninth week to mess up and the conclusion was had I messed up early on , I may have quit thinking it is to much to handle and that’s why I fell asleep, but no I was given the tools to adjust and adapt to every situation the subby could throw at me and I am using them to create my new way of thinking and fixing issues that may come along . So from now on I have to be persistent and consistent in all that I do.
I’ve had at least four people tell me in the last two weeks that I’ve changed . I’ve had people look at me and I know they wanted to ask what was going on with me , and never did. I had one person tell me” What did you do with Isabella” ? I wasn’t a bad person . I just wasn’t the warm and fuzzy type . I am waking up in a better mood and I guess it carries over throughout the day.People are starting to recognize my changes and it feels good .I’m not so stressed anymore and I don’t mind being where I am. Before this MKMMA I wanted out of my job and it was a struggle every morning to go to “that place “. HAHAHA I don’t think of it that way anymore , because I am getting more focused on my end goal and that’s what I spend my brain cells on , now . I also have to say that sharing I love you when and wherever is a wonderful mood booster .There is something so peaceful and satisfying about it. So I am greeting every day with Love in my heart .
I have to say this week was pretty interesting . I had some old relationships mended , that I had written off long ago . I had to face the fact that I was holding grudges for no reason .They were no benefit to me . I got absolutely nothing out of pretending that some people didn’t exist . Pretty funny when you realize how silly you’ve been acting . The ego is such a contender but I’m learning new skills to defeat it , at every turn . ” I LOVE SAYING THAT “. This week I have had the pleasure of observing my subconscious at play. I found myself in situations , that I had to decide , fairly quickly , on whether to take part in some negative talk or KEEP IT MOVING .Well I did better than I expected but I can improve and I will . These are simple skills when applied correctly can make a great impression on your life . I can’t say ” THANK YOU ” enough to Mark and Davene , for offering this opportunity to develop and grow .AAAAAMAZING !!!!!!
” Because I am a beacon of light” . I was at work the other day and one of my coworkers questioned me on why I read from that book every day (GS ) , and noted that it was a very small book , so that he knew I had to have finished it by now . It’s going on 5-6 weeks , he said . Now I say some pretty off the wall things sometimes and this one even shocked me . I looked at him and without a beat I said ” Because I am a beacon of light” and ok we laughed at it , but when I went to sit that night , guess what was consuming my every thought . You guessed it ” Because I am a beacon of light” I’m still not quite sure of what this means but I’m looking forward to finding out . I have now started a book of ” Bella-isms ” because there have been other things that I “just say” and I’m almost certain with this mind excavation we’re doing , there will be more , and that they will prove important to my journey . This course is pretty powerful stuff .
I have been working with Autonomy and True Health since the class began. My guide returned it every week , so that I could rethink and or expand on what was there . Well I didn’t understand why he was so insistent. I kept looking at what I had written and didn’t understand what he was seeing.I sent an email questioning his take on my work. He sent one back and let me know that ultimately the decision was mine and just to consider it from an outside perspective. Do you know that your subby can be very deceptive ? I actually became annoyed and thought that he was trying to tell me about me not ever meeting me .The wall went up and I wasn’t going to continue with this program . I didn’t want to write that press release anyway for two days now I was avoiding doing it . Now I don’t have to . Then I thought about all of the good that was coming from this class and I thought it over .I decided that I was going to sit in silence with this situation and see how I really felt about it . That night I sat for 30 minutes trying to figure out why I reacted the way I did and where do I go from here . I didn’t have any AHA moments , I went to sleep . I remember this very clearly . Next I was on my train ride into work . I was just people watching . When all of a sudden “HELPING OTHERS ” was in my thoughts .I got the chills because I now know what my guide was seeing . At this point , I pretty much know my DMP and the dominating theme has to do with me helping others . Why didn’t I see that ? And why didn’t I see that on the list of PPN’s . I found the list of PPN’s and there it was Helping Others . Folks this is why we have the guides if I didn’t have mine I probably would have listened to my subby and pretty much just given up . But after I received that last email from my guide, when he asked me to be open to an outside perspective , that is when I said I want a change and it starts by me letting go of my ego and changing those bad habits . At first I felt embarrassed by how I reacted to a simple suggestion . Then I had to remember that I am in the fifth week of changing things I did for 49 years so now I know my purpose and I can start living it .
THANKS to my guide